I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
