why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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