my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
people are starting to question the shark bite story
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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