I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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