things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Who died my cat blue again?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
