I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
