i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
