I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it was like eating out sand paper
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
