I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
