i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
