we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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