is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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