not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
