I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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