Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
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