The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
