I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
