are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
