Since when is my name a synonym for head?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
