therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
