ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
