The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
