she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There r osticjed everywhere
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
