Already got asked if we're dating
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
