I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
