It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
