I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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