just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
