My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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