Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
