please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize