note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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