I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
