dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
