I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
