didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
