You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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