You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
