I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
