based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
