why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
