dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
