just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think people are normalizing furries
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
