if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
