Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
