yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
