trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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