ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
