Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
