rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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